Building Support Systems

Definition of a Support System

“A group of people who are available to support one another emotionally, socially, and sometimes financially.”  *1

A Support System Is:

·         A resource pool –People, things, environment, and beliefs who you can draw from in moments of need, providing you with support.

·         Drawn on selectively – This requires skills in choosing the appropriate person or persons who are helpful to you in moments of need and are available to you emotionally.

·         To support me – Someone who is there to provide support and that you are able to ask for help from them.  

·         In moving in a direction of my choice - requires that I be able to distinguish my goals and the direction I need to go.   

Functions of Support Systems

Support systems can be used for several different purposes, depending on the situation confronting an individual they could consist of:

·         Re-establishing Competence: Particularly in times of high stress or major transitions, we may find ourselves functioning at a very low level of competence. This may be because of anxiety, the energy it takes to cope with a crisis, physical and emotional difficulties, or overload of demands on us by other people. A good support system can help us cope and return to our previous level of functioning.

·         Maintaining High Performance: It can be equally important to have access to resourceful people when one is doing well in order to maintain that level of activity. Although it may be easier to use assistance when performing at a high level, many people tend to neglect their support systems at such times, finding it mare difficult to ask for help.

·         Gaining New Competencies: A somewhat different function of support systems is to assist in developing new skills. What are needed here are persons who can challenge, serve as teachers and models and provide emotional support during periods when one may be feeling awkward or inept in dealing with new situations.

·         Achieving Specific Objectives: Many of the objectives we strive for cannot be met without collaboration with and contributions from a number of persons. This often requires people who have skills and resources we do not have or that we do not desire to develop.

These functions of support systems are focused primarily on the individual. They often can help an individual contribute to organization goals and objectives, but it is equally important that support systems be used when individuals find themselves in conflict or opposition to the directions of other people, groups and organizations. They should function in such a way as to maintain and develop the integrity of the individual, which may include changing the organization, creating conflict or leaving a particular setting.

Support systems are patricianly helpful in coping with the stress that accompanies transitions in relationships, roles and positions, or careers. Skills in establishing new support systems are essential for successful transitions into new environments.

Different Types of Support System Members

Support system members can function in a number of different ways. Some people fill a variety of roles, while others may offer only a single type of support. The following list illustrates some of the different functions of support system members:

·         Role Models – People who can help define goals for positions one might assume in the future. Role models not only show what is possible but also are a source of valuable information about the opportunities and problems associated with a given role.

 

·         Common interests – People who share common interests or concerns can be especially important in keeping one motivated, and in sorting out those problems that are primarily those of the individual room problems imposed by the larger system and require collective activity to bring about change in that system.

·         Close Friends – People who help provide nurturance and caring, who enjoy some of the same interests, and who keep one from becoming isolated and alienated.

·         Helpers – People who can be depended upon in a crisis to provide assistance. These people are often experts in solving particular kinds of problems and may not be the type with whom one would choose to have a close personal relationship.

·         Respect Competence – People who respect the skills one has already developed and who value the contributions that one makes in a given situation. They are particularly helpful during times of transition when one may be feeling unsure of oneself in developing new skills.

·         Referral agent –People who can connect one with resources in the environment through their knowledge of people and organizations. They can refer one to those places where one can obtain needed assistance.

·         Challengers – People who can help motivate one to explore new ways of doing things, develop new skills, and work toward the development of latent capabilities. They often are people whom one may not care for as personal friends, but who are demanding of us.

Some Principles in Using Support Systems

·         Caution – Know who your supports are and gain a trust and rapport with them.

·         Maintenance – It is wise to keep relationships current and up-to-date so that when you need to draw on people, they are informed and appreciative of your need for their assistance.

 

·         Equality – It is important the relationship be one in which both sides feel there is a fair arrangement, whether it be accomplished by returning help, payment of money, join sense of accomplishments, or whatever else makes sense. Guilt can easily build up when there is a sense of indebtedness hat cannot be repaid.

·         External Support Base – the primary base of support for being competent should be to the system in which one is using one’s skills. This will enable a person in conflict when it becomes necessary. Leaning on people inside the system in which one is trying to be competent often leads to a sense of dependency. (Paradoxically, when one is seen as having an external support group, it is more likely that people inside the system will also turn out to be supportive.)

·         Back-up Resources – It is wise to have several places one can turn to for particular kinds of support to reduce the sense of vulnerability one feels should an individual be unavailable or unwilling to help in a given circumstance.

·         Feedback – It is important that feedback be given both ways to check on how each person feels about the process of giving or receiving assistance. Helping often creates resistance and/or resentment and unless there is a means of keeping track of the process, the relationship is likely to erode over time.

Building a Support System

“Abusers often try to isolate their partners from others to maximize their control. They often try to make you believe that you are to blame, and that you are a bad person. It is important to talk to others to get reality checks and to be reminded that you are not a bad person, this also helps you to regain personal trust of yourself. Think of your support system as the network of people you can rely on for friendship, support, information, and services. Your support system can include close friends and family as well as professionals who provide counseling, legal services, medical care etc. Reach out to several people who are inclined to be accepting and supportive. Your local domestic violence organization can be an important part of your support network. Reach out and accept the help that is offered.

Many survivors must build or rebuild their entire support network; this can feel overwhelming. It might be helpful to break it down into steps and ask yourself this series of questions:

For Today:

          What family members am I close to right now?

·         What friends am I in touch with right now?

·         What medical, wellness, or mental health professionals do I have in my life now?

·         What other support do I have in my life right now? (This may include a faith-based community, support group, 12-step group, club or activity.)
 

For the Future:

·         What family members would I like to be close with?

·         What friends would I like to be in touch with?

·         What professionals would I like to have?

·         What other types of support would I like to develop?

As you are building a support network, you will be gaining the perspective of others and broadening your own perspective about your situation.” *2

List of Characteristics of A Support Person:

1.      The ability to listen for the duration of your need to ventilate or communicate something without changing the focus onto themselves.

2.      The ability to then share regarding the given topic from their own personal history and/or perspective.

3.      The ability to voice at the start if they are unable or unwilling, for whatever reason, to give you the time that you need.

4.      The ability to inform you if the content of the conversation is harming them. This shows you that they are taking care of themselves and frees you from that responsibility.

5.      The ability to share what is bothering them AFTER you have finished. Not changing the focus of the conversation from you (if you initiated contact) until it was completed.

6.      The ability to comprehend what you are saying. Even if they don't fully comprehend, are they at least trying to understand what you are saying or feeling?

7.      The ability to repeat to you what you are saying to help you clarify your comprehension and communication abilities.

8.      The ability to respect your right to refuse their venting on you if you are unable to cope with it.

9.      The ability to respect your privacy in regards to your property, body and mind.

10.  The ability to not violate your space, body or mind. This incorporates not touching unless gaining your permission, not telling you what you should do or how you should feel, or that what you are saying, doing or feeling is wrong in any way. It also incorporates not trying to make you adopt their point of view.

11.  The ability to encourage you to choose of your own free will what to do and to help you explore and discover the various choices available to you, even the negative ones. Not trying to fix things for you or run your life for you.

12.  The ability to accept and encourage your participation in activities without them and with other people.

13.  The ability to accept not being told everything and not being your only support person.

List the people that are in your life:

Place their names and the type of relationship that you have with them:

List of People I have a current relationship with:

1) My spouse _______________________________

2) Son or daughter _______________________________

3) Parent _______________________________

4) Boss _______________________________

5) Co-workers _______________________________

6) Therapist _______________________________

7) Friend _______________________________

8) Roommate _______________________________

ADD YOUR OWN HERE _______________________________

Go back through the list you just made and beside each name put the approximate number of times in a week that you seek out each individual for support and, if possible, the amount of time that you spend each time with that person for support.

Now make a table to use for each individual on the list you have just made. The first column will correspond to the number by the character list. The second will be the name of an individual on your list above, the third is to rate them on the list of characteristics that you have made.

 

The Rating Scale From 1-10

1.      No ability

2.      Rare ability

3.      Occasional ability

4.      Moderate ability

5.      Average ability

6.      Good ability

7.      Strong but rarely consistent ability

8.      Strong but only moderate ability

9.      Strong and average consitent ability

10.  Strong and consistent ability

An example of a rating table:

Characteristic #   Persons Name     The rating    

    1                         spouse                       8              

    2                        children                     6              

    3                        boss                            3               

 List of Non-Human support:

Survivors can also find non-human modes of support

·         Pet - They will spend countless hours listening to you and keeping you company. Some offer security while others offer beauty.

·         Plants - You can derive similar amounts of joy and satifaction from having living, beautiful plants around you. Plants actively respond to human attention. Most of all, they are alive and in your environment.

·         Stuffed Pets - If pets are out of the question and you just can't get a plant to Animals grow (or even if you have both pets and plants) then stuffed animals are a terrific substitute. They listen and you can interact with them.

·         Change or put up pictures that you find comforting in the environment . (Paint or wallpaper  )

·         Hobby - Find a hobby or craft that you enjoy and can afford. Use what you or Craft  have done within your environment. Take pride in yourself and reap reap the benefits of all your work and talents.

References

 *1- https://www.google.ca/#output=search&sclient=psyb&q=define:+support+

system&oq=define:+support+system&gs_l

*2 - http://www.ntl.org/upload/Developing%20and%20Using%20Personal%20Support%20Systems.pdf

 

By  Michelle McCaugherty

Core Beliefs

Everyone is on a journey called life. As we all know there are bumps and hard work to keep moving forward. The meaning of life to me is that we are to use each day to grow and change. If you stop growing, changing, and healing you are no longer living life to the fullest. You become stagnant. The goal: To be better tomorrow then we are today. Every day is an opportunity to understand ourselves more. To be self aware and to own our responsibilities, and roles. It starts with a choice to live differently; the choice to examine who we are and who we want to be. A choice to challenge your beliefs, and values. A choice to grow and heal no matter what. If you are not ready to accept that your not perfect, that life's not perfect and accept your part in your life you can't move forward. Once you have decided to commit to your growth and change you need to choose to look at your core belief system.

Core Beliefs

We all have core beliefs deeply rooted within ourselves, usually our core belief systems are planted within us at a very early age by our parents and important people in our lives ex: teachers, priests. Core beliefs are the way in which we see the world, ourselves, others, our past, present, and future to be. In turn they lay the path to how you live your life. Like anything else there are positive, healthy beliefs, and there is negative, unhealthy beliefs. Depending on the events of your past, the environment they occurred within, and your perception and experience of the situation as a whole, determine whether they are negative or positive beliefs. Both affect the way you think and experience life in the present moment. Positive core belief: I can do anything I put my mind to, Mistakes are opportunities to grow and learn. Negative core belief: I'm worthless, I'm unlovable. Identifying what the beliefs are that you ho;d can then open a door so that you can examine whether they are positive or negative, and this becomes awareness. Being aware of what your thinking, how it makes you feel and then how you act on in those emotions will be in  a positive or negative way. This allows you to start to choose to challenge these ways of thinking and choose to believe something different. This is one of those things that sounds easier then it is. This process takes time and determination as you will start to become aware of your behaviour and thinking after you have acted out. (screaming, yelling, avoiding.) And that's okay. This is totally normal, just be aware and then think about different ways it could have been. How you can you think, behave and act about this differently. Eventually as you keep doing this and becoming aware and challenging your thinking and behaviour you will be able to catch yourself half way through a trigger, then in the beginning, and then before it even happens and you get to choose to deal differently. Its when its still just a thought that you can choose to change the way you believe, behave, and the way you act it out. This is not and never is easy. It takes hard work and time so be patient and kind to yourself. There will be days that you feel discouraged and you can't see the changes and growth but trust me its happening through baby steps.Don't give up, it takes practice to retrain your thinking and responses. Through the years it took me to get here I kept journals and I read back through them sometimes and I find them interesting and helpful for me to remember how hard is was in the beginning of my healing journey and how it is for me now.
I am including some dates and entries from my journals to show you where I was and where I started to get to. And let me tell you it took me years to undo all that had been tainted inside of myself by others.

Sept. 15th, 2008 - I hope all the hard work I do towards personal growth and spiritual healing will rid me of such invasive thoughts, where I can bask in the peace and happiness I long to have.
Jan. 11, 2009 - I have become more aware of my thoughts that create old feelings.

The Freedom To Heal

Healing the wounds of the past i something you need to be ready to do. You need to choose to work with and through the pain of you experiences. We all have a history made up of events that have affected us in one way or another. There will be many people who don't understand you, who can't know what it means to start, and go through the healing process. It will be important that you surround yourself with positive healthy supports. You will need to be open to challenging your thinking, values and beliefs. Many of these things have been conditioned in your mind from long ago. Once your ready and you've made your choice the freedom becomes yours to heal.

My Journey

To The Staff Who Helped Me Heal,

Many years ago I entered a Day Program. My life felt exhausting, hopeless, painful and full of anxiety and rage. I had tried to get help through traditional one-on-one counselling, but nobody could help me stop the nightmares, flashbacks, and the long list of intensely overwhelming emotions that I had little control over. Not only was I lacking emotional control, but my whole life was just a mess of chaos and drama. I felt like my life was just a daily dose of crazy upon wakening in the morning. This made me feel worthless, broken, ashamed and angry. The anger was uncontrollable and aggressive. It covered how vulnerable and scared I was all of the time. I never felt loved, understood, or supported; a lone wolf fighting through life just surviving day by day. Truly all I wanted was to feel safe, secure, nurtured and loved, and I didn’t believe I deserved any of that. I felt useless, and filled with pain. My relationships were affected by my toxic behaviours that I acted out. I was reactive to even the smallest of situations. My thinking was all or nothing, black or white; I couldn’t see any grey areas that lay between. Everything that happened to me was not something I ever had a choice about. Bad chaotic things just happened to me all of the time. When really I was sabotaging myself without even realizing that was what I was doing it. I had no choice in the matter, I just got dealt a bad hand in porker, and some people are just unlucky like me.

I finally hit my bottom or last strike so to speak. I had what I call an emotional break, it was PTSD, I was relieved that I wasn’t losing my mind there was a reason I felt so crazy inside, and that meant I could be fixed! For years I just thought, “This is who I am, I was born this way. I have no choice but to be this way” Because I now knew I could be fixed two weeks before the program started I started to think, “I don’t need to go I can do this myself.” I was going to cancel my spot. In that moment I made a promise to myself a commitment to my healing journey. "No matter what is said to me, how it makes me feel, I will trust that the women, (who at that time ran the program) no matter what, I can’t trust my instinct to run and avoid." I believed that they were my last chance at having the type of life that I believed was normal for me. I swallowed my fears and started the program two weeks later.

I chose to stay at the program for what I think was 3 or 4 semesters working on me. My therapy became my full time job as it was exhaustingly hard work. I was determined to heal and start living my life. The staff would challenge me when I couldn’t challenge myself, encouraging, and supporting me through my process. There were times when I would be angry and defensive because of being pushed and transference that I was experiencing. I kept my promise and would go home to reflect and work through my reactions by using worksheets from the program. I often would find that the staff had a point, or that what was said was worth thinking about or questioning about myself. It was hard work to learn to utilize the new tools and coping skills I had been taught. It got easier and I did start to see differences in my relationships, how I coped with stress and crisis, even in my emotion regulation. I became more mindful and self aware, this helped me with my flashbacks, anxiety, nightmares, even getting to sleep.

There came a moment when I shared during a group that I became aware of how much I had grown in my time at the centre and that that staff couldn’t do anything more for me. I accomplished what I went to the program for. The time had come for me to move forward to the next chapter of my new life, where I could continue to use the skills and tools I had learned and master them. Years have gone by since I left the Program, and I have continued to use all that I learned from my time with the great team at the centre. I have kept journals from then until now and go back through the pages of my past and I can see how far I have come from the dark hopeless place where I had begun. I have found peace in my life and I am more content then I have ever been in my past 34 years. I truly believe that this program was my saving grace. For without it I know I would have self destructed. I want to truly from the depths of my heart and soul thank each and every person who helped make this life possible. For helping me find my way back to the present. I will always have PTSD and there are still days where I have anxiety, sadness, anger, and that’s ok with me. I know we can never get rid of our past experiences and feelings, that is our history. But I can say, you can get better at coping with the past and moving forward.

I will forever be grateful for the extraordinary women who in the beginning put up with me acting out and being an emotional mess as I tried to heal my inner child. You all gave me the gift of a second chance. A chance to heal, grow, change and become the person I was always meant to be, but had lost along the way in amongst the pain of the past. You provided me a safe environment so that I could flourish and grow. I hope you get to know how important you were in my healing process; you all are truly special people.

I have just graduated from college with honors from the Community Service Worker program so that I can pay forward what I received from you. This is just the beginning of all that there is to accomplish in the world.

Sincerely Grateful,

Michelle 

Strength

When a butterfly is emerging from its cocoon it struggles. The more it struggles the stronger it becomes. If someone were to help the butterfly to free itself it would not become strong and it would die. The moral: The harder the struggle the stronger you become. (Unknown)

100 Ways to Nurture Yourself

“Probably the most important component to healing is learning to take excellent care of yourself – mind, body, and spirit. Think of caring for yourself as if you were your own child – giving to yourself at least as much as you give to others. You are worth it!

Like joy itself, self-nurturing comes in many little bits. Here are 100 of those bits for your consideration. This is not a checklist – only a list of suggestions. Please take the ones that speak to you and ignore the rest. Enjoy!

1. Put a post-it on your mirror that says, “You look beautiful!” – and then accept the compliment every time you look at yourself.
2. Buy fresh flowers every now and then. – Brighten up the place.
3. Used colored pens for no particular reason. – Blue and black are fine, but how about orange?
4. Take a walk without a destination. – It’s a great way to get some exercise and clear your mind. Be mindful of what you see, hear and feel.
5. Take a hot bath. – With bubbles.
6. Write in a journal. – Write anything that calls you. Ideas, experiences, dreams, frustrations – get them out of your head and down on paper.
7. List the things that you’re grateful for. – You can’t help but feel better when you literally count your blessings.
8. List the things that you like about yourself. – We can all list the things that we don’t like about ourselves. Turn that around and think about your many positive qualities.
9. Create something. – Many of us have gotten away from actually making things. Create some artwork. Write something. Build something. Make something that didn’t exist before. It can be functional or frivolous – as long as you enjoy the process.
10. Treat yourself. – We struggle to be disciplined, especially with money and food. You deserve a reward, right?
11. Smile. – It’s very difficult to feel bad when your face is happy.
12. Squash negative thoughts. – Listen to what’s going on in your head and actively quiet the voices of pessimists and critics. Assume the best, not the worst.
13. Try something new. – Go out on a limb. Learn something new. Do that thing you’ve always wanted to try. The more experiences you have, the richer your life will be.
14. Get enough sleep. – Everything is hard when you’re tired.
15. Meditate. – It takes a little practice at first, but if you find a meditation that works for you, you will be calmer and more peaceful.
16. Drink plenty of water. – It’s basic, but it’s so good for you.
17. Stretch. – Before you start your day, take a few minutes for a good muscle stretch. It just plain feels good. And, it’s fast, easy and free.
18. Put some “me time” on your calendar. – When life gets busy, doing things for yourself is the first thing to be sacrificed. So, actually block out time on your calendar. Call it a ‘staff meeting’ or something so that no one intrudes on your time.
19. Call a friend. – Think of someone who you enjoy and ring them up!
20. Ask for help. – This can be hard. But it’s so important to recognize when you need a sounding board, or some advice, or an extra pair of hands.
21. Say no. – Your time is valuable. Set boundaries to avoid becoming overwhelmed.
22. Ask for a hug. – We all need one. So just go get one. The person you ask probably needs one too.
23. Delegate. – Hire someone to mow the lawn or scrub the floors. Teach the kids to do laundry. Give that project to a co-worker. You do not have to do it all.
24. Take a deep breath. – And another. Now another. It’s like a mini-break to reset yourself during the day.
25. Light a candle or use a reed diffuser. – Your sense of smell creates the strongest memories. Find scents you love and enjoy them.
26. Claim some space for yourself. – A place where you can go to have a quiet moment to read a book, or meditate, or cry – somewhere that you can get some peace and privacy.
27. Get out into nature. – Reconnecting with the earth is just good for your soul. Feel the breeze. Breathe the fresh air. So good!
28. Buy the good ice cream. – Even on the tightest of budgets, this is important.
29. Use lotions & soaps with scents that you love. – It’s a nice way to pamper yourself, plus you’ll smell good all day.
30. Give a compliment. – Telling someone that they had a fantastic idea or that they look beautiful in that color creates a pleasant environment and makes two people feel good for the price of one.
31. Listen to music. – Listen to whatever makes you happy. Can you be grumpy while listening to Gloria Gaynor? I think not.
32. Play. – Something we forget as adults. Board games, a sport, finger painting – find something frivolous and have fun!
33. Eat foods that you love. – Low fat, low calorie, low carb – blah, blah, blah. Food is to be enjoyed! Put food into your body that nourishes you in every way.
34. Be silly every now and again. – We take ourselves entirely too seriously. Let go. Be spontaneous and outrageous!
35. Laugh. – Sometimes you just need a good laugh to lift your spirits.
36. Limit screen time. – Too much time in front of computers, TV’s, video games, and blackberries (or all of the above) disconnects you from the world immediately around you and makes your brain mushy. Make sure that you’re getting plenty of input from the non-virtual world.
37. Be present. – Be deliberate about experiencing what’s happening right now. It’s all about the journey – don’t miss yours!
38. Stop worrying. – It’s going to be fine. Because it is.
39. Trust yourself. – You are smart, capable and talented. Your choices are just as valid as anyone else’s. Don’t second guess yourself.
40. Do something that’s only for you. – Remember that hobby that you used to have time for? Or that food that no one else in your house likes? Reclaim it.
41. Make sure your health is in order. – What’s more important than your health? See your doctor regularly. Make sure you are getting the vitamins or supplements that you need. Advocate for yourself as you would for your child.
42. Give to someone in need. – Donating your time or your stuff or your money to someone less fortunate makes you feel good and puts your problems into perspective.
43. Sparkle! – Feeling slumpy? Get all dolled up. Wear something fancy. It’s a good way to find your strut.
44. Dance. – It’s inherently joyful. You can’t be sad if you’re dancing!
45. Write your own rock star introduction. – Image you’re on tour with thousands of screaming fans. How will you be introduced? “Please welcome the brilliant, the amazing, the gorgeous….you!”
46. Stand up for yourself. – Your needs are important. Don’t let anyone disregard them. Pushing back can be scary but it’s empowering too!
47. Celebrate! (for any reason at all) – Your kid learned to tie his shoes! Your taxes are done and filed! The week is more than half over! Let’s party!
48. Find a mantra or an affirmation that lifts your spirits. – “Today is a new day.” “I know that life always supports me.” “I get everything that I want.” Find one that works for you.
49. Stand tall. – Your spirit can’t soar when you slouch. You feel much more powerful when you stand up straight and look the world in the eye.
50. Have sex. – What can I say? It feels good.
51. Get a massage. – What can I say? It feels good.
52. Choose optimism. – Thinking positive thoughts has a tangible impact on your day and on your life.
53. Dream big. – You can do anything you set your mind to!
54. Tune out the naysayers. – People criticize for many reasons, most of which have nothing to do with you. Follow your heart – not everyone has to get it.
55. Add color to your surroundings. – Beiges and taupe’s are pervasive these days. Depressing. Make sure that you introduce energetic colors where you work and where you live.
56. Surround yourself with the things you love. – Photos of loved ones or mementos that bring happy memories. You should have the stuff that you love all around you.
57. Declutter. – You should have ONLY the stuff that you love. Purge everything in your life, both physical and emotional that you don’t honestly need, use or love. Everything else distracts you from your true intentions and bogs you down.
58. Stop procrastinating. – Procrastination is a form of perfectionism. Accept that it’s not going to be perfect and just get it over with. Image how great it will feel to not have it hanging over your head anymore!
59. Listen to your inner voice. – Your instincts are good. It’s important to listen to your own head and heart.
60. Cut yourself some slack. – Arguably the most important tip on this list. We hold ourselves to impossible standards and then beat ourselves up when we don’t meet them. Would you be this hard on anyone else?
61. Slow down. – When you’re living your life at top speed, you’re missing most of it. Stop and take a breath. Look for ways to adopt a more humane pace.
62. Identify your passion. – What do you love? Do you have a non-profit organization that you feel passionate about? Are you passionate about water polo? How about 14th century Portuguese literature? Find something in your life that really floats your boat.
63. Toot your own horn. – You’re awesome. Please make sure that everyone knows it.
64. Move your body. – Run and jump and climb a tree. Take a tap dancing class. Power walk. Anything that feels good that gets your blood moving. The only limitation: it has to be fun. Don’t get on a treadmill if you hate the treadmill.
65. Invest in really good bras. – This one is gender-specific, obviously. You feel much better about yourself when you’re hoisted up properly. So stand tall and salute the sun ladies!
66. Purge things that aren’t good for you. – Unhealthy foods, cigarettes, a miserable work environment, toxic people – do what you have to do to set boundaries and demand the highest quality of life. You deserve it. Things that don’t nourish and support you – think about how you might be rid of them.
67. Limit your news consumption. – It’s important to be well-informed, but the non-stop feed of earthquakes and plane crashes and economic crisis and war is not good for us. Be deliberate in finding a balance that’s best for you. Once you’ve seen today’s news cycle, turn it off.
68. Say yes to life. – Opportunities are everywhere. Take a class, join a team, go bungee jumping. When new things present themselves to you – jump at the chance.
69. Stop hating your body. – If the women of the world took all of the time, energy and money that we spend on hating our bodies and turned it towards something productive, there would be no war, poverty or disease left on the planet. Your body is your body. Nobody’s looking at your physical flaws because they’re all too busy trying to hide their own. Let’s give ourselves a break and let it go.
70. Sing loudly. – In the shower and the car and anywhere else you like. With reckless abandon.
71. Be kind. – Be nice to someone else. You will have made the world a better place. What feels better than that?
72. Tell someone you love them. – We often forget to say it out loud. It matters.
73. Take all of your vacation days. – You earned them. Don’t give them back to your company for nothing.
74. Play hooky. – Call in sick once in awhile when you’re not sick. Use the day to pamper yourself (not to catch up on errands or housework).
75. Take pride in the hard times that you have overcome. – What didn’t kill you made you stronger. It wasn’t easy, but you did it!
76. Let someone else be in charge for a while. – Other people can be responsible while you do something for yourself.
77. Don’t answer the phone unless it’s someone you want to talk to right now. – Some people find it difficult not to answer a ringing phone, but it’s liberating once you learn to ignore it or even better, just turn it off.
78. Have faith. – It’s going to work out. The future is bright!
79. Take a personal inventory. – Does your behavior match your true intentions? If there’s a disconnection, you’re carrying a heavy weight.
80. Go on a retreat. – For a couple of minutes or a couple of days, get away for a bit to re-energize.
81. Put your finances in order. – Money problems are enormously stressful. Paying off debt where possible, putting bills on automatic payment, and working with a financial planner if necessary can all help to ease the strain.
82. Eliminate all expectations of perfection. – In fact, eliminate the word ‘perfect’ from your vocabulary. If you expect yourself to be perfect, you will never stop beating yourself up.
83. Find a good way to blow off steam. – Bottling it up indefinitely will probably end badly.
84. Be who you are. – your authentic, true self.
85. Spend some time alone for quiet reflection. – We spend all of our time go, go, going. Try stopping to think about your life, your goals, and your dreams.
86. Keep your words positive. – Happiness and complaints cannot coexist.
87. Let light and fresh air into your house. – Sunlight is a must. Open up those windows!
88. Turn off your e-mail, cell phone, blackberry, fax, etc. for a while. – It’s not healthy to be accessible 24/7.
89. Pare down your to-do list. – Feeling overwhelmed? What’s on your list that can be delegated, avoided, or jettisoned?
90. Avoid boredom. – Keep your brain active to keep the blues at bay.
91. Make your home a haven. – Your home should be a place where you can take a breath and really relax. If it isn’t, you may have some work to do.
92. Be stingy with your time and energy. – Both are precious and should be spent on things that really matter to you.
93. Let go. – 80% of everything is irrelevant. Focus on the other 20.
94. Minimize multi-tasking. – Yeah, women are supposed to be good at it, but that doesn’t make it good for us.
95. Break your routine once in awhile. – Get out of a rut and into a groove.
96. Take action! – If something isn’t right in your life, fix it!
97. Plan ahead. – With a few minutes of organizing your time and to-do’s, you will be better prepared to take on the day.
98. Intentionally enjoy your journey. – As you go through your days, look around. Be present with what you see, hear and feel. You might be amazed at what you’ve been missing.

99.  Spend time with people who make you happy. – Who nourishes and supports you? Surround yourself with those people.

100.  Enjoy your kids. – It’s easy to rush through the day without really connecting with them. Make                  a conscious effort to talk with them about their day.

And A Couple Extra:

1.      Avoid self-deprivation. – When it comes to food, it’s OK to cut back on things that aren’t good for you (sweet, sweet carbohydrates), but if you feel deprived, it’s probably not maintainable, creating a vicious circle of cheating and guilt.

2.      Forget the word “should”. – Instead of doing what you think you’re supposed to, follow your own path.

3.      Pay attention to your energy. – Are you most productive first thing in the morning? Are you sluggish after lunch? Honor your natural cycles and plan accordingly.”*http://demandingjoy.com/?p=1024